i'm not even sure which way to turn anymore. its crazy how a simple little injury can affect a life to such a degree. i can't concentrate to do the research i need for school because i'm too busy alternating between worrying about when i get to see a doctor (if i stay in the lsu system -- not until october) and being angry about all of the things i can't participate in, or do. my very existence is consumed with masking how damn angry i am all the time, and i think my exterior is about to crack and black oozy bad attitude is about to cover everything. (i imagine it to be like tar.)

even going out in public sucks. everyone has to ask, comment, force me to talk about it. i hate attention. i still heed the "don't talk to strangers" rule. i want to pretend that i am not wearing a flannel navy blue brace on my leg. i want to forget i have the baggage of crutches everywhere. if i have to hear one more person tell me they *think* i tore my acl, i *will* hit them with my right crutch (i've got pretty good aim, by the way).

i admit it, my attitude is negative. i'd even venture to say increasingly negative. exponentially negative. this has been a shitty, disappointing six weeks (with exception of my birthday) and i have every damn right to be negative and angry about it.